


Not My Home

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hiding, Loneliness, M/M, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23142097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: People keep coming to Merlin asking about Eggsy.  He doesn't know where his lover is or why he's hiding from everyone else, but he is determined to find the cause of the problem.
Relationships: Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 151





	Not My Home

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Jim Croce song "New York's Not My Home."
> 
> I was in a down and lonely mood today.

_Things were spinnin' 'round me/And all my thoughts were cloudy/And I had begun to doubt all the things that were me/Been in so many places, you know I've run so many races/I looked into the empty faces of the people of the night/Somethin' is just not right..._

“Merlin.”

Merlin looks up from his desk and tries not to sigh with exasperation. “Yes, Harry?”

“I was wondering where Eggsy is. We were to meet in my office this morning to discuss the mission in Athens and he is late.”

Merlin stares at his best friend. “Are ye…do…do ye have the audacity to complain because someone is late?”

“As the lovely Miss Kesha so perfectly put it, the party don’t start til I walk in,” Harry says serenely. “And yes, I will complain when the person in question is never late. He is always early.”

“One moment.” Merlin clicks a few buttons. “He’s at the range.”

“Very well…I will speak to him later.” Harry leaves without saying goodbye.

“Kesha. Really, Harry,” Merlin scoffs.

“Enter!” Merlin barks when someone knocks at his door, putting down his sandwich with a groan. In his entire tenure as Merlin, he has never been able to start a meal and actually finish it within a reasonable amount of time, at least not while eating at his desk.

“Excuse me, Merlin?”

“Come in, Lancelot.” 

Roxy enters and walks over to his desk, looking beautiful as always in a grey Kingsman suit. “I’m sorry to bother you, Merlin, but do you know where I might find Galahad?”

“If I tell ye, will ye promise to hold a class on good manners and the correct way to enter someone’s workspace? Arthur will be your first student.” Roxy actually giggles. “Yes, I do suppose you’re right. He is a lost cause.” Merlin clicks about on his tablet again. “Galahad is currently running the obstacle course.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Well I’m definitely not looking for him there. I ran it twice yesterday.”

“Do ye need me to contact him?”

“No, it wasn’t important. I simply haven’t spoken with him for a few days. I’ll catch up with him later. Thank you, sir.”

“Any time, Lancelot,” Merlin says sincerely. He has a great deal of respect for agents who do what he says and don’t invade his personal space.

“Go left, Tristan. There…down that hall.” Merlin leans back in his chair and sighs with relief. He’s so thankful for a positive end to Tristan’s mission that he calls out a cheerful, “Please come in!” when someone knocks at the door.

“Good afternoon, Merlin.”

“Ah, Percival, please come in.” Merlin waves a hand. “I wasn’t going to meet with ye until tomorrow…”

“I look forward to hearing about my next mission,” Percival replies. “But this is about Galahad. We were to meet at the range before lunch but he never showed.”

“He was there this morning,” Merlin says in confusion.

“I do not wish to tell tales on a fellow agent, but I do not appreciate the lack of communication. If he wasn’t going to meet me, he should have told me.”

“Ye are absolutely right, Percival,” Merlin says somberly. “When I see him again, I will remind him of the correct behavior for a gentleman AND a Kingsman agent.”

“I would appreciate that. The only reason I came to you was I figured you would know if he was ill, or…”

“It seems Galahad has purposefully been flying under the radar today,” Merlin tells him. “I apologize on his behalf.”

Percival nods. “Thank you, Merlin. Have a good night.”

“You as well,” Merlin says. He waits for the door to close before clicking away at his tablet once more. He closes everything down, grabs his jacket, and heads out the door.

Merlin strides through the woods at the edge of Kingsman property, following the tiny blip on the screen of his glasses. He reaches a gorgeous expanse of trees, looks up, and sees a familiar pair of trainers dangling from a branch. He touches the side of his glasses before sitting down and resting his back against the tree. “Ye had quite a few people looking for ye today,” he says without looking up. “I was interrupted three times by people inquiring about your whereabouts.”

“You’re Merlin, you know everything.”

“I like to think that perhaps they approached me because they figured ye would come to me before anyone else if something was bothering ye.” Merlin swallows hard. At least HE thought Eggsy would come to him first. Feet scrabble against bark and soon the trainers land on the ground nearby. “Have a seat,” Merlin says, patting to the ground next to him. Instead Eggsy sits across from him, gracefully arranging his legs in a way Merlin’s body would never allow.

“Sorry if people were bothering you,” Eggsy says, picking up a leave and shredding it. “I know I missed my appointment with Percival.”

“Yes, he mentioned that.”

“And Harry…I was supposed to meet with him.”

“Aye. And Roxy was looking for ye.”

“Oh.” Eggsy looks out into the woods.

“I am not just there for ye in the bedroom, lad,” Merlin murmurs.

Eggsy’s head whips back. “Course not! I know that. You and me have always been more than just fuck buddies.” Merlin rolls his eyes. “Care more for you than anyone else,” Eggsy whispers, putting a hand on Merlin’s knee.

“Then talk to me, lad, please. I want to be here for ye. I know people think I dinnae have emotions…”

“Fuck that…know how sweet and tender you can be,” Eggsy says with a tiny smile.

“That does not leave this place,” Merlin growls.

“It’s stupid.” Eggsy goes back to staring at the trees.

“Why don’t ye let me be the judge of that?”

Eggsy sits quietly for a long moment. “I can’t remember what my Da’s voice sounds like,” he says finally. “I can’t remember his voice. Or the sound of his laugh. Or the way his arms felt when he hugged me, or even how he sounded when he yelled at me…and I’m pretty sure he probably had to yell at me a lot. I was a handful.”

“Well, Eggsy, it’s been, what, twenty years since he passed away? It is understandable that memories might fade with time.”

“But I don’t WANT them to fade.” Eggsy surprises Merlin by reaching up to angrily wipe tears from his face. “He’s all I got. The only Da I’ll ever have. I got nobody, Merlin. Got Mum and Daisy, yeah, but it’s…there’s no one else. Mum was an only child and we was never close to her family because of Dean. I ain’t never met my Da’s family…apparently they didn’t approve of him marrying Mum, thought she was below him. So…if I don’t got memories of him, what’s left?”

“Ye have so many people,” Merlin reminds him. “Ye have Harry, who loves ye like a son. Ye have Roxanne, who I know considers ye her closest friend. Although ye might not think of them as family, ye have the other knights, who will always be there for ye in your times of need.” Merlin reaches over to take Eggsy’s hands. “And it goes without saying that ye have me.” He kisses Eggsy’s palms. “I know what we have is new…we’ve only investigated a non-platonic relationship for about six months. But I know my life is better because ye are such a big part of it, and I will ALWAYS be here for ye, my sweet Eggsy.” Eggsy starts to sniffle. Merlin spreads his legs a bit, opens his arms, and Eggsy crawls over to cuddle practically on his lap.

“I’m just…I’m feeling so alone right now, Merlin, and it makes me mad. I know how lucky I am.”

“Ye had a rough life before Kingsman, Eggsy, and the life of an agent definitely is nae easy. It is no surprise that ye might have moments such as these.” Merlin kisses the top of Eggsy’s head. “We have footage of your father in the archives, ye know.”

“Wot?” Eggsy pulls back to stare at him.

“We record every part of training.”

“Every part?” Eggsy turns red.

“How do ye think I knew just how to touch your prick, lad?” Merlin asks with a wink. “I’ve seen ye wank in the dormitories.”

“And how many times did you watch it, filthy old man?”

“Not the point,” Merlin says evasively and Eggsy laughs through his tears. “At any rate, there is video footage of your father, and I will gladly give ye clearance to view it.”

“Thanks, Merlin.” Eggsy lays against him again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about how I was feeling.”

“We’re still sorting things out, leannan. I’m not offended.” Eggsy sighs in response, settling in more comfortably against Merlin’s body. “It is quite pretty here.”

“It is. Found it a month ago.” 

Merlin tilts Eggsy’s chin up and kisses him. “When ye feel lonely like this, lad, please come to me. I am happy to just hold ye, just like this.”

“Don’t feel lonely when I’m with you,” Eggsy murmurs, kissing him back.


End file.
